Top Ten Things I’ve Learned About Being Happier in the Last 10 Years 

🕑 50 Min Read 🕑 It’s a long ‘un!

For you.

Had some very sad news recently. Another old friend gone too soon, leaving two children. Unnecessarily. 

Know what really pees me off? When someone dies and social media trolls come out of the woodwork and write things like, ‘Fly high babe, RIP!‘ Before swiftly moving on to the next post like it’s nothing. Well, there’ll be none of that here.

Here’s a Top Ten (plus bonuses from myself and some of my characters at the end) of how I got fitter, healthier and happier, that you didn’t ask for. 

None of these has happened overnight, change has been gradual. It always takes time. I’m still a work in progress. We all are. But I find these tools bring me up if I’m low, and down if I’m feeling anxious or hyper. They regulate, and bring me back to a centre point. I find these tools make me far happier now than ever before.

So anyway, here we go… 

1: Exercise. Gym, running, MTB, and hiking make me happier

These activities have made me happier in loads of ways. Mainly, by creating feel-good endorphins. Over winter I took part in a challenge for MND namely Doddie Aid. It involved exercising every day as part of an online team and an app to track the miles. It became a bit of friendly competition against members of the group. It had a feel-good factor. It kept me motivated through the darker months and staved off winter flab.

When you see results in your body and feel better, you become even more motivated. In my case, I went down to a 31″ jean size. At the height of being unhealthy and unfit, I was up to a 36″.

Mind, there were times I was really tired and didn’t want to go to the gym in the evenings, but I did it anyway, and this was thanks to the challenge. Set yourself a challenge. Strava is a good place to start.

Even this week I had to go to the gym when I found myself a bit tetchy. And no surprise that it worked!

2: I get social to get happier

I’ve rediscovered going to the gym more regularly. This in itself has been a game changer, especially through winter. Being at the gym around like-minded people has allowed me to make new friends, rekindle old relationships and feel part of something.

The gym has also invested in a Peloton bike, which is great. I started biking (in the form of MTB) again during lockdown, as a lot of people did. But in winter there is obviously a limited scope for biking. So on darker nights once the kids are settled, I go to the gym and use their Peloton. The Peloton tracks your miles to allow you to see PBs and progress. It’s quite addictive. Plus you get a free shower afterwards.

I’ve even learnt some new jokes from Mike, an instructor, top guy and comic-in-the-making. I’ve written all his gags down and won’t be crediting him when they get used, FYI. Don’t tell him.

Getting more social has been and continues to be THE hardest challenge, with two young kids under ten who love their dad (me) and want all of my time. They’d bloody take it given half a chance. But now them sprogs are becoming more independent, it’s crucial that I push myself to get my head out of the sand and back into social situations outside of work. And that you do too.

3: Keeping in touch with good friends, family (and your GP)

Not your GP, mine. But for you, it’ll be yours, obviously… Anyway, I found this vitally important for getting happier. Keeping in touch and good relationships alive.

One important study says relationships are the key thing to maintain in life for a healthy, happy and long existence. This study from Harvard is one that I don’t mind repeating myself about, so you may hear me on about it a lot. It’s the Harvard Study of Adult Development and has been running for almost 100 years now. It concludes that those with the happiest and longest lives, from whatever background, wealth bracket, or class are the ones with the best relationships. The ones that nurture and look after these relationships.

This is a challenge, as we often feel connected online but in actual fact might never see anyone on a deep and meaningful level. We are social animals, we need that face-to-face interaction. On the flip side, those with bad or what we now call toxic relationships or loneliness can suffer the most and even have shortened lives.

So what I try to do is keep a good relationship at home, with my kids (that’s what you s’pposed to do!), with my extended family and reach out to friends regularly. The latter particularly if I’m feeling the strain of parenting and need to get out into nature, or have a night out.

In terms of a GP, it’s worth developing a relationship with yours (when we can get an appointment, ‘ey lads?). The tools and yes medication they provide, especially in my case, have boosted my happiness levels by helping me develop a toolkit.

It pays to get second and third opinions sometimes, so consider seeing other GPs. A good one understands life’s struggles, after all, they are human too. Just be honest about your journey.

And remember this, when the sh*t hits the fan, you really know who your friends are. A coach told me that some years ago and by god that’s true.

4: I got counselling and therapy when needed to get happier

Specifically bereavement counselling when I lost my dad, not in a dissimilar way to the friend recently. I was persuaded to finally seek counselling by a fellow comedian who just happened to hear about my dad’s passing.

That comedian also happened to work for Cruse Bereavement as a volunteer. And after just three or so calls to an awesome counsellor, I was better. I was able to offload everything I had been carrying around about my father and the sudden loss. Just having an impartial ear (who wasn’t just gonna say, ‘Fly high babe!...’) was so liberating. I didn’t even know I had been carrying so much.

I was able to cry for one of the first times since my father went. In retrospect, I think I may have been trying to be too strong. Maybe for my family. For my mother especially; for my siblings perhaps. And back then it was for my new arrival, my daughter. Maybe because I’m a Welshman and I played rugby when I was younger (to a low standard might I add).

Anyway, this stage of my life taught me the importance of being vulnerable and offloading. In turn, talking therapy has contributed to my overall happiness; it made me happier. I became much happier almost overnight. You may notice this after a quick phone call with someone that lifts your spirits.

All I needed to do was explain what had happened to this counsellor and the feelings I was carrying. Not only are they trained to listen, but they also give you useful tools.

For example, in my case, one tool they provided was to think of the best and funniest memories my dad, as opposed to being angry that he’d been ‘taken away’ too soon. In the case of my father, he was a real character so good memories are plentiful.

The awesome counsellor suggested writing down these memories and I now take some of these on stage. This makes me happier. And what’s nice is, not only does it make me happier talking about my father, (mostly) it makes the audience happier too.

There are still times of sadness, grief and longing, of course. But as they say, time is a great healer and it does become (and has) genuinely easier over time.

You have your own life and they’d want you to carry on. If they didn’t, then they’re not worth grieving over in the first place. But you have to let grief come when it does and grieve properly, something else that I learned. Whatever grieving properly is!

Your kids, friends and even pets can be a great distraction. Talking groups are also good and there are many support groups such as Tidy Butt and You’re Never Alone in South Wales alone. Just ask around in your area or do a quick search and follow on socials.

5: I fill up my brain with positivity to get happier

This has included reading voraciously, listening to interesting podcasts, watching inspiring Youtube videos and Ted talks on the subject of being happier and improving mood. 

Some of my chosen channels have included meditation and breathing techniques. It is seriously the best time to be alive when we can search ‘How to…’ and insert anything we can think of and it’s there in a flash.

I remember the blue bar of death when the internet first launched circa ’98. Back when it would take ten minutes to load a static page. And that was just the Yahoo search page. Now we have everything we can think of, on tap, in a few clicks, in words and video and audio, direct to the mini TV in our pockets AKA our phones.

Searching and following positive accounts and channels has undoubtedly made me happier and more positive about life. All of this great content has taught me how to live every day to the max. And the content has also given me tools to get happier on the not-so-good days.

One of the best audiobooks I listened to in the depths of grief was Dale Carnegie’s How to Stop Worrying and Start Living. In this book, Carnegie cites stories, tools and techniques which, though somewhat dated, are still relevant.

Fiction and comedy have also been a good escape. Fiction is great for our brains, and laughter is of course the best medicine.

Non-fiction and self-help do have a place though. I mean, clearly, as the personal development industry was worth $41bn, as of 2021 – big thanks to Google and this site for that nugget of information.

6: Limiting toxic situations, (perceived) negative people and limited social media checking to be happier

As well as following positive & funny people/accounts, limiting all of this has been vital.

Spending time with those who improve and don’t hold us back may seem obvious. But, it is difficult to break away from those that hinder rather than help. Sometimes I have felt obliged to help those that are constantly negative.

It is hard to judge good relationships from bad. I’m not saying cut people off, just limit your time with those who no longer make you feel good. On the flip side, seek to spend more time with people that uplift and make you feel happier.

There is always an unfollow or mute option on social media accounts. As for online trolling, don’t get caught up in all that jazz. If something goes over and above banter, especially in the comments sections on online pages, it’s easier to ignore, hide, block or delete a comment.

This all may sound obvious, but your well-being should be a priority. Look at it like this, in 150 years time, no one will care about any of this stuff or me or you.

In terms of perceived negativity, I love the main Stoic principle – and I’m paraphrasing – ‘It’s not what happens to us, but how we perceive it that matters.’ We all have the choice to feel bad about that thing someone just said or did. We also have the choice to not let it sink in, to let it slide on past.

It took me years to work this out and now it’s an incredible defence mechanism. What’s even better is it is all done internally. Shrug it off, move on. Not always easy but does get easier with practice. Another Stoic principle is, ‘Choose not to be harmed and you won’t feel harmed. Don’t feel harmed and you haven’t been.‘ I feel a David Brent finger clasp going on there, yeah?

So take your time, it’s yours to take! Limit your social media checking to every hour, or 12 pm and 4 pm, or even just in the evenings once the kids are settled in bed. I am trying to limit social media checking currently as a bit of an experiment.

This was because I found messaging and constantly checking socials can take over my day. So just using it for work and posting my own content seems to work and make me more focused on the job at hand. Again this can be a drag, especially when your posts or content may blow up and go viral (humblebrag).

Focus on putting yourself in positive situations and surround yourself with THE best people IRL. And that includes going to comedy gigs, (my gigs!), as it’s always good to take the p*ss in a professional, controlled setting.

Mind you some of the rooms I’ve played are anything but controlled. Still, what I have learned with comedy is that it just normalises everyday sh*t. Comedy allows us to realise we are all human and have our flaws. Finger clasp incoming…

7: I use meditation, mindset, breath-work, yoga and read Stoicism to get happier

Plus keeping a journal. The benefits of all these have been mind-blowingly powerful.

For me, this journey into staying present and mindful started about ten years ago. Are we even allowed to reflect on ten years ago, if we are trying to stay present?

It started with Eckhart Tolle’s book The Power of Now. I’d heartily recommend it. This then led to harder drugs such as Deepak Chopra’s breathwork. This can include counting breaths in and out for four or five seconds, using the diaphragm.

The Wim Hof Method is another breathing tool that I use, with hyperventilating breaths and breath holds. This Yoga is where I began, and it helped me stretch my middle-aged loins, focus and become more flexible. I still use this now in fact, for a warm-up. Like a Welsh Sting, I was an alien, not in New York, but an alien to (new) yoga. No? Ok. Tough crowd.

I never thought I would be able to pop a handstand when I was a chubby prop forward in the rugby team or an equally rotund goalkeeper in the five-a-side Saturday morning footy team, yet now I can. At 42 years young I’m proud of my fitness, flexibility and energy levels. That feels good, yo.

Stoicism is another powerful tool in my arsenal that I only discovered recently thanks to my eldest brother Dr Dan Webb, and a growing surge in the popularity of the subject online. I was recommend The Little Book of Stoicism by Jonas Salzgeber as a good starting point. Now I recommend it too.

This book has been the only book I needed really, alongside plenty of online Stoicism stuff. Fun fact, Salzgeber translates as ‘salt giver’, from German. When truth be told (in Uncle Bryn’s voice) he’s giving anything but salt. He gives sweetness. Sußgeber?

I also have a Stoicism app and follow Ryan Holiday online for daily inspo. All of this is ancient stuff, none of it is that new but it is timeless. The Stoics were ancient philosophers and yet their ideas are perhaps more relevant today than ever.

I wish I’d learned more about Stoicism or Philosophy in school or at college. But now I get to teach myself and write (and brag) about it here to you.

Has all of this made me a happier and more focused person? 100% yes, and these are tools you may wish to consider for your own happiness, confidence and resilience.

8: I take get out in nature to feel happier

Being in awe of nature, sunsets, sunrises, mountains, beaches, and coasts makes me fitter, healthier and happier. When my father suddenly departed this Earth I felt the need to get away. I had an overwhelming urge to get to the coast. The old fight or flight response.

This may have been because some of my happiest memories are of holidays by the coast and it reminded me of my father. In fact, the first place I visited the week after my dad’s funeral was the southern Cornish coast. I got an AirBnB in Lamorna and hiked for long distances. Some days it was six hours out and six hours back. Another day I got the bus back as it was too far to trek. My aim that day was to make it to Land’s End but I only made it to Porthcurno. If you have never been, you should, it is stunning and that’s an understatement.

I like taking pics, so was totally in awe of this coastline. I now realise this is a place we holidayed, like a lot. We even visited a nudist beach a few times (of course we did), which is another story for another time. Apparently, we stopped going to said nudey beach when I started pointing at people and shouting, ‘Boobies!’ I assume this includes both male and female attendees. My parents were hippies at heart and it was all sweet innocent fun back then. We were in our twenties though, so they should have known better, really. G’bless.

On this particular trip, I visited the beach we once played on as kids, namely Carlyon Bay. My visit felt even more timely, as demolition work was underway. The huge yellow-beige entertainment complex was being taken down. My dad had passed just a few months before and now they were taking down this clubhouse where my siblings and I once marvelled over Marble Madness, Out Run and coin pusher machines.

This was a beach where I once got dragged by my feet across the rough sand after playing up. Where we rode a miniature railway through the woods to said nudey beach and we even ‘surfed’ on a polystyrene ‘surfboard’ in grey clay rivers. Let me know if you ever went there and remember this. It’s near St. Austell. I’m pretty sure I didn’t imagine the clay river which ran straight onto the beach and out into the sea.

My uncle Rob also lived in Cornwall around the time my dad died, so I met up with him and his wife Elaine on this visit. As my father’s only brother, I guess this was a kind of therapy too. We were all grieving. Although Rob never really showed it, thinking back I don’t think I did either. Sometimes it’s just enough being around relatives.

Other times, I would nip off and hike the Pembrokeshire coast path and go past caravan sites and beaches which, as a family we once frequented.

All of this was like a bit of a trip down memory lane and was therapeutic. It must have been. It definitely made me happier. I guess it helped me to grieve. Being in nature plus bringing back memories. Plus it helped (and helps) me to write new bits and ideas for comedy.

Now, realising the power of it, I hike and get into nature as often as possible. There is a study on being in awe of nature and its benefits. Awe reminds us there is something much bigger than us and can help any worries melt away, certainly in my case.

As for trekking for miles on end, as hunter-gatherers, we would often hike many miles a day to get food. Everyday! Rumour has it would then get together with family to eat that food in the evenings. No phones were necessary.

Now, it’s so easy to sit at a laptop, on our phones or in an office and not see anyone at all, let alone go for a long walk in nature. We can feel really connected without actually connecting with anyone at all in person. The truth is we are perhaps more disconnected now than ever before.

On any walk in nature, chances are you’ll bump into people and chat. That simple connection is crucial for our feel-good happiness factor.

I still haven’t been back to the nudey beach, but can there be anything more liberating than strolling around in your birthday suit? Always makes a human happier! Try it today. But in your house. Or on a designated beach.

9: I use good mood foods to get happier

The right food and drinks can make me feel better. To find out for yourself as I did, it’s only a Google away, or a few million or so YouTube videos. I took a deep dive into all this to discover what works and what doesn’t to make me feel better.

This has been a long old journey. There is a lot of contradictory advice, whether you should follow keto, paleo, vegan, vegetarian, 5:2 intermittent fasting, whole foods plant-based, gluten-lactose-sugar-free… or just a balanced diet with all foods and whatever you want at the weekend. It’s a minefield.

What I have discovered and what works for me, might not work for you. So you have to do your own testing until you feel good. It doesn’t have to cost a fortune either. Personally, I follow a mainly whole food plant-based diet which is close to being vegan but basically involves lots of fruit, veg and no meat (but I’ve also learned to never tell anyone about it).

It’s actually more vegetarian, as I do like a bit of cheese every now and then. And occasionally biscuits, and cake, which might have egg and milk. But these are rare, just now and then. Usually, when offered them!

Thanks to certain podcasts like Feel Better Live More with Dr Rangan Chatterjee, I’m learning more about different diets from experts. And from the Diary of a CEO podcast with Steven Bartlett, I learned a lot from this one episode with Dr Giles Yeo, in particular, highlighting the facts that we maybe don’t need to quit meat completely, as there are nutrients in meat we can’t get from plants, without supplementing.

I do supplement, with Vitamin B12, Vitamin D, and DHA Algae Oil (equivalent to fish oil). But, like everything, I’m learning new things about it all the time. I’m even tempted to bring back some good-quality meat occasionally, as I do really miss a good steak. And a chicken breast. OMG hunters chicken. Or pakora. Or a chicken ball.

Anyway, I do identify with the environmental and moral issues of not eating meat, but if it’s necessary for our health then surely moderation is better. I don’t preach anything, and my wife and kids eat meat all the time. In fact, they pretty much eat what they like, which is fine by me. They need to make their own choices and this is merely what I choose.

I do try and get my kids to make healthy choices however, and this is a challenge for another post, as all they want to do is eat sweets, treats and waffles. And so did I when I was their age. Especially at my grandparents’, who are always feeders.

We all saw What The Health on Netflix and Cowspiracy, but the podcast episode above from Steven Bartlett and Dr Giles Yeo above explains how if we all just cut down on meat a bit, that would be fine for the planet too.

Another channel I follow (and live by) on YouTube is Nutrition Facts, by Dr Micheal Greger. He pulls up science-based evidence and explains everything simply. For him, whole foods plant-based is the way to go. Any processed meat (like ham, bacon and chicken nuggets) is a no-go as it can be carcinogenic. He also explains how to supplement. You have to search and find videos relevant to you, but they are entertaining and what’s more, facts are science-based.

That said, whether you’re a carnivore, omnivore or herbivore, there are staple foods which make us feel better and improve mood, ergo make us happier. Things like blueberries, raspberries and any berries for that matter, are great for our brains and make us feel happier. Fresh, frozen or dried are fine.

I eat loads of walnuts and while they may seem expensive per bag, you can buy them from certain bargain stores and they’re not so pricey but still top quality.

Spinach and leafy greens are also great. I buy the frozen spinach and microwave what I need, about five balls of the stuff. I am also an avid user of dark chocolate and drinking cocoa. Nuts, beans, seeds and raisins also work for me.

Recently I learned that improving our gut bacteria and overall gut health can help make us happier via increased serotonin! Things that improve this gut health are fermented vegetables including sauerkraut and kimchi.

Chillies are also good – great news if like me you like it hot. Remember the L-Casei Immunitas yoghurt drinks adverts? Those tiny little bottles? Well, it’s that kind of thing, but in a plant-based format, promoting good gut bacteria.

So increasing good bacteria in the gut and serotonin levels, you can boost your mood and feel happier.

The latest thing I’m trailing after speaking with Mike at the gym is to eliminate gluten as far as possible in the next few months.

This is a bit of an experiment to see how that impacts a few things like mood and energy levels but especially my love handles and the old stubborn belly flab. This area has always been hard for me to shift and Mike said it was linked to water retention from bread and gluten.

I am a week into this challenge and I feel better already. Of course, this could be in my head, but I am journalling my results so I’ll keep you updated. This is already hard work mind you, because, well, there’s toast, there’s naan bread, burger buns, tiger bread and biscuits. Damn it all!

Serotonin, if you didn’t know, is a neurotransmitter and if this is not produced in the brain, it can lead to depression and anxiety as well as affect many other regulatory functions like appetite and sleep.

SSRIs or antidepressants like Sertraline / Zoloft (which I take currently at the time of writing and am thriving on) are there to improve this serotonin uptake.

For me, my aim remains to see this medication as a stopgap and another tool. I want to eventually cut it out, by using diet, tools and tricks listed here, to end the need for medication. I can’t profess that any of this stuff will work and am not a medical professional, so I can’t advise whether you need SSRIs like Sertraline / Zoloft or not. I just know this medication is another tool for me and has worked.

So if you want to be even slightly happier then try improving your diet alongside any medication and tools that work for you. I’ll put some recipes in a book and make some more vids for you sometime.

Meantime, here are some pics and captions of my typical meals, including takeaways. The breads here were obviously before cutting gluten from my diet. Damn it all!

10: I QUIT alcohol for most of the year to be happier

And I continue to. I have managed this to the point can count on one hand how many times had an alcoholic beverage in a year. I love the word beverage.

This has been the biggest life challenge aside from overcoming the loss of loved ones. Maybe bigger than speaking publicly and even bigger than certain stand-up gigs and shows.

Limiting drinking is tough because I’m Welsh/British and a Lad; I know you’re a Lad too but you’d rather use your brain. I grew up around alcohol. It’s in my / our culture. Generations of Welsh/Brit kids grow up having a drink in our teens. Then we graduate to pubs, clubs and parties. Then we enjoy a cheeky glass of wine or beer in the house. Then stag dos. OMG, the stag dos.

This is all OK until it isn’t. I’ve been blessed with some great times in my life, not least some awesome Lads’ holidays and I regret none of them. Some alcohol-fuelled holidays with the family have been a jolly old time too. Some teenage drinking was epic! But, on this quest to discover what makes me happier, I found that after the age of 30, my hangovers got increasingly worse.

And for me, when I quit alcohol in 2019 for a whole year, it was the most productive year I’ve ever had and definitely the happiest. I became 100% fitter and happier that year. I even came off Sertraline / Zoloft / SSRIs which I had been taking from around October 2017.

In case you’re wondering, I lasted the whole of the COVID pandemic without the need for SSRIs. Then around the winter of 2021/’22, I felt the need to have a heart-to-heart with my GP again, while I had COVID. So, I started taking these little beauties again.

I’m not sure if the fact I now had COVID triggered this low mood. I still wasn’t drinking, but there were still clearly pressures and I felt a need to seek these out. It happens.

There were loads of challenges during 2019 regarding the one-year no-beer challenge, which I’ve written about in separately and will share. These tests included going to Arizona on a job for three weeks and there was a free bar. This was a HUGE thing, as a lot of colleagues on this particular job were drinking and asking why I wasn’t. Some were p*ssed as they asked me this, which was comical. Kind of reminded me why I wasn’t, as I woke up hangover free and managed to work 12-14 hour days.

Thankfully, at the hotel bar was a range of alcohol-free or NA beers as they call them. These drinks are also now readily available here in the UK.

All I’m saying is, if hangovers are getting you down, then try a one-year no-beer challenge and document how much happier you feel. If you’re good as you are with alcohol in your life then don’t worry about it. But my guess is, if you’re this far through reading this post, you’re willing to try some stuff to improve your happiness levels. Am I right, Lads?

11: Drinking occasionally is fine to make me happier

Alcohol is such an important topic it deserved a bonus point. That’s right y’all. My drink pattern nowadays (and we all have one), involves a few drinks a year on special occasions.

I get that some might need to be completely teetotal and quit completely.

For some, it might seem boring to not drink, but that’s a stigma we need to shake off.

Sidenote, I had a call with one of my best buddies recently and he said he was teetotal now, apart from drinking. This made me smile.

I recently went camping with another good mate and Lad from my Uni days, namely Sven. We cracked a few beers, chewed the fat, and then he presented a few tequila shots. There’s no sob story here. We had the best time.

Sven is a new father and his two are really young – like under five young. So he needed the time out, heck, I needed the time out and it was bloody great. Fresh air, nature, a roaring fire and a sunrise hike to the top of the Brecon Beacons sorted us right out. We didn’t see any sun on the sunrise but that didn’t matter.

We laughed, we caught up and before we headed home we took a dip in an icy cold stream that comes directly off of Pen-y-Fan. Did we feel better? Heck yeah. I know I did.

The hangover lasted a few days mind you then, even though I wasn’t drunk-drunk / out-out.

Times like these are so important to me. But, if you’re on the wagon then you don’t need to have any alcohol to have a good time with old mates.

Beers or shots with the bloody Lads or the family on my birthday or camping or at Christmas can work when I have the sessions under control. And when I’m in good company.

My problem for a short while was alcohol in the house, I now realise. That version of myself would have come back from a camping trip and had another few beers or wines in the evening, as a hair-of-the-dog type thing. And that’s when I would feel not just bad but downright depressed during the hangover stages.

Any drinks I have are now sensible and never to the point of out-out, even if I am out-out. As a result, I’m guessing because there is less damage to internal functions, hangovers are much more bearable and don’t last anywhere near as long. Nor are they as intense.

God, I used to get drunk in my 20s and disappear for days and lose my flip-flops and my dignity. I have some awesome stories about that era mind you. But that’s for another time.

Hangovers can be easily mitigated by drinking water between beers. And a welcome side effect of not drinking/getting drunk-drunk, is that I am also fitter as well as happier, as a result of (mostly) quitting alcohol.

The only downside is now that I can’t drink beer unless gluten-free, which I am yet to try. Though I did have a gluten-free Domino’s pizza recently (it wasn’t the same!). Damn it all!

Happier Summary

So that’s it. Thank you for reading what is an extension of a post I made on my socials recently. The engagement and comments are always higher on some of these from-the-heart posts than on my comedy posts. Well, a different kind of engagement at least.

And I’ll be honest it can be exhausting trying to be funny all the time. The feedback is always more sentimental for this kind of post, showing me there is still a need for this stuff and telling me that you are a lot like me.

I’m not trying to cure anyone nor do I have a messiah complex here, I just find real catharsis in writing and sharing this stuff given the journey I’ve had and the soul-searching I’ve done since my father left us, which was really down his own poor mental and physical health.

His memory lives on though, shining on like a crazy diamond. He is still a legend in my eyes. A good man who did loads for his family and his community. He was just a bit angry and downbeat at times. And he dragged me across the sand one time. And stuffed a grape up my nose in a caravan one time until it bled. My nose not the grape. But if he’d had these tools, then who knows, maybe he’d have been a calmer gent most of the time instead of just some of the time. Anyway…

The beauty of developing your own toolkit for making you happier on a day-to-day grind is that you can combine and mix them up.

As I have, develop your own toolkit and find out what works for you. E dot G dot, listening to a positive, insightful or funny podcast while you hike or run. Hitting the gym and talking to good pals while there and making new ones. Getting counselling while cycling. OK, not that latter, but cycling and talking with good mates while rattling up and down mountains and bike parks is a form of therapy, yo.

There is always a lot of overlap with these kinds of tools and I don’t mind repeating them through bad writing and poor grammar until they sink in and get through to others and I’m blue in the face. If I am blue in the face it’s probably time to stop writing and get back to nature.

If this helps one person it, well, it has to be worth it. And I know it helps me. Writing all of this down helps clarify it in my mind and acts as a reminder for me. Who knows, maybe you will eventually want to share your tools, your journey, and your stories with others and they can then pass it on to their own kids and future generations.

Find what works for you. We all know what’s good for us deep down. Do that. 

Bonus Tip: Help others to feel happier

We naturally want to help others; it is in our very nature. Remember lockdown when you helped your neighbours and clapped the NHS and that? This helping can be done in myriad ways.

I enjoy comedy as laughter is therapy for myself and hopefully for audiences. Shared laughter in a room puts everyone at ease. When you’re crying with laughter, tears streaming down your face do you feel better? Hell yeah, right? Comedy makes us recognise the human condition. When it’s shared in a room of people it’s even better.

My day job involves helping people by talking to groups and individuals about enterprise (not Star Trek), about self-employment, about freelancing and about trying something a bit different in life linked to passions, plus I incorporate wellness and mental health. Email me for details, or to book me to talk to groups or at your events. natwebbcomedy@outlook.com / marty@thekidsneednewshoes.com

I really enjoy this work and meeting others who inspire me.

I’ve come to realise in my 42 years on the planet, that we are all here to help each other along this journey we call life. *Alan Partridge sigh.*

Bonus-Bonus Tip: It’s okay not to be happy all the time, and realising this makes us happier

Ever feel like you are constantly trying to regulate, to chase dopamine hits, and to boost happiness? I think it’s ok to seek to be happier if we really don’t feel too happy.

But it’s ok to be sad some days and just sit with that and know it will pass. I think we are too quick to label ourselves as unhappy. We all have down days.

This doesn’t (necessarily) mean we are bipolar, depressed, anxious, or AD(H)D, and certainly not that there’s something wrong with us. Maybe we are just swamped, burned out and trying to do too much. Take a chill pill.

If we are sad, ride it out. Embrace that feeling. Recognise it. Oftentimes, I find, it’s just that I need an early night and this works wonders. Or some good mood food. Or to watch some comedy, or my favourite film, or a new film. Recently I watched Colin from Accounts. Now that is a hilarious, feel-good show.

And the very next day, I’m fine again. On the flip side, if I have a bad diet, lack of sleep, or too much work, then life can get me down for a day or two. I try and ride that sh*t out. Use some of these tools. And then I’m fine.

I once knew someone who ran their own company. I asked how they coped with being so busy. They said, ‘Some days I take a day off and just sleeeeep.’ And now some days I feel the need to do that too. Or just have a long nap.

So don’t chase constant happiness. That’s not what this post is about. It’s about the small tools that can make big changes.

Ignore your phone and all socials for a day and see how much better you feel just from doing nothing. Notice how many times you go to reach for the phone. It’s like a reflex action. Like twitching. But I can avoid constant checking (mostly). So can you, I have faith in you.

Seek happier, seek satisfaction, but don’t seek constant happiness. It’s unattainable, unachievable and unrealistic. And it’s bloody annoying if we meet that someone who says they’re always happy. They’re either lying or high. The smell of BS is astounding. But, we can all be a little ‘happier‘.

What I am trying to do here is to talk about my journey and am merely blurting the things that are on my mind. Writing for me is a selfish win-win, as I feel good writing and hopefully, you learn something too.

Try it yourself, for as a friend once said to me, ‘You don’t realise how much you already know.’  But what did he know? Ey?

The Kids Need New Shoes is a movement. It’s not just about MY kids needing new shoes, which they always do, constantly. It’s about a new way of thinking for future generations. Trying to teach the stuff I wish I’d learned more about earlier on, alongside all that other stuff like the nth term and Romeo and Juliet. We are, as the slogan goes, changing lives, one shoe at a time.

Genuine Final Thoughts (Seriously Now) on Being Happier

So how should we react, when someone dies? Rather than simply comment with an offhand, arseless, and blurted, ‘Fly high babe, another angel got their wings!’?

I like to reach out directly to that person who lost someone on a personal level and say that I am there for them, for whatever they need.

In my experience, that was the best thing anyone did and could have done for me in times of need. And to keep checking in. And never, ever, DM them to say, ‘Fly high babe, an angel got their wings. Gone too soon! RIP babe.’ You know the drill.

And lastly…reach out to me. Message me if you need to, 24/7. Have my number, my emails and my emergency alarm beeper code thing from the Gov. That woke me up from a nap that one Sunday. Got my heart racing I tell thee.

Book me to talk, for consultancy, to work or record with, or for live, corporate or comedy gigs and talks, by emailing natwebbcomedy@outlook.com

Book Marty to talk, for comedy gigs, to work or record with, or for one-to-one (comedic) coaching, by emailing marty@thekidsneednewshoes.com

Subscribe to our newsletter – Marty’s Mailshot and be the first to receive news on what I’m up to and my thoughts, as well as those of the characters, by entering your email address into the Sub-Stack subscribe here, or at the bottom of this post.

To support all this work and dig even deeper, consider subscribing to my Patreon. This is a place for bonus-bonus content, sketches, bloopers, musings and more. You’d also be supporting my work content and allowing wider budgets to produce a range of stuff (and help me afford my kids’ shoes, naturally). This content will always be free, but sponsorship is always welcome from you that can afford it.

Over to my characters…

Marty Threeshoe: I do agree with what Nath has written here. What he hath missed though are some of my favourite mantras, namely – What’s good for the goose is good for a gander. And – You can take a fish to water but you can’t make it swim, yeah? See, it’s all up to us, not me, you, to decide what ewer futures might entrail. Simply who do we want to be in this world? Where do we want to see? Again who do we want to, be, yeah? It’s all just a journey, like Nike once said. We might as well try to enjoy it, just like we did on that trip to Shaggaluf in ’99. But without the alcopops and going back out at 5 am for seven days straight. Keep crushing and hustling hard! Sign up for my course. Just £4000 for a limited time only. Plus VAT. Best thanks, MT.

Kenneth Two Penneth: Nothing but pricks! That’s what I do call haters that do come in the shop, and I’ve known many in my time! Waifs, strays, and shoplifters. I’d rather it if nobody came in my shop, that’s what would make me happier, healthier and ruddy fitter about this life. Tell you what Nathan needs, a good slap and to make his head a bit less fat! He might be a 31″ waist but his head is still a 36″! Sounds like his father had his head screwed on and in my opinion should have stuck more grapes up Nath’s nose. Waster. Pricks, Kenneth.

Ioan: I’ve tried all of this, it’s crap mun. He needs to grow up and enjoy life an’ tha’, ger out more.

John: *Huffs and shakes head*

Chad: SHOUT OUT TO A.Z. ARIZONA, WOOOO!

For you. NW